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Humor & Jokes Got a funny joke or a funny email? Post it so we can all laugh! |
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#1
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Since its been a while, Heres some jokes!
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic
light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top." --------------------------------------------------------------------- The good bad and ugly Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them Good: Your son studies a lot in his room Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them Good: Your husband understands fashion Bad: He's a cross-dresser Ugly: He looks better than you Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Ugly: So are you Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Ugly: With corrections Good: You wife's not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Ugly: She's a lawyer Good: The postman's early Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47 Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas Good: You're daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients Way ugly: She makes more money than you do Good: You're son is dating someone new Bad: It's another man Ugly: He's you're best friend Good: You're wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Height of Patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree. Height of Frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls. Height of Innocence: A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipple. Height of Unemployment: Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute. Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest. Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall. Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw. Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes thru the paper. Height of Technology: Condom with a zip. Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his ass itching. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- |
#2
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LMAO n1
========================================== A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
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#3
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LOl some funny stuff there bro!!!!
Regards |
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